A lot of stuff kept bubbling on my mind. Through those, I will find the light I needed so long ago.

After two different but both tragic past relationships I had, I've become the person I should be. STRONG. Since then, no matter how wonderful a guy is and no matter how much I like the guy, I end up avoiding the thoughts and feelings. Maybe it was because of the trauma I got from my past encounters especially with that of the one from the "superficial world." He left me sad and blue when I was young and true. He broke this brittle heart of mine. It took me a year or two before I finally decided to move on. As I moved on, I began to see love as for unlucky folk. Love was but a curse, the reason why I also broke one's heart as a revenge. And that, I think, is worse.

But GOD amazingly works in ways we cannot completely comprehend. I realized that being STRONG doesn't count on how many times you avoided thoughts and feelings to grow. It's not also the matter of hurting others as to rebel. But being STRONG means being BRAVE enough to love again despite the heart-breaking experiences. It means taking the risks and consequences of loving. So I prayed for someone to teach me how to love again. Besides, I miss being in love. I didn't expect (I didn't even wish) another one from the world which I started to hate. It happened and I'm just grateful and glad it did, it caused a more complicated story though. Still, a belief arised : that love has nothing to do with what you're expecting to get, it's what you're expected to give - which is everything.

Vanished dreams and diminished happiness brought about by the love in the past turned into thoughts, feelings, hopes, delights and passions of love at present. As James Baldwin stated "Love takes off masks which we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within", I am now cutting of my head and placing my foot on love again. The requirements of a lover (as cited by Leo Buxaglia) - the subtlety of the very wise, the flexibility of the child, the sensitivity of the artist, the understanding of the philosopher, the acceptance of the saint, the tolerance of the schooler and the fortitude of the certain are all with me this time plus the genuine and tender caring of a nurse.

It's true that love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes be an illusion. So learn to love without expecting for reciprocity. Learn to love with no selfish motives. Unconditional love, that is. Then when you find the one you love loves you too, you will know it is real when he doesn't love you because you are beautiful but you are beautiful because he loves you. And that's the SPIRIT!


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"Ama me fideliter! Fidem meam noto: De corde totaliter Et ex mente tota, Sum presentialiter Absens in remota." / "Love me faithfully! See how I am faithful: with all my heart and all my soul I am with you though I am far away." - Anonymous

Currently listening to: Right Here Waiting
Currently feeling: loved

Posted by Lainee at 07:36 PM | speak up!

Bad trip nung umaga, masaya nung hapon!.. Paano?? Eto:

Ang dapat na activities ko ay: 10:00 AM--PWU Taft, 1:00 PM--PWU QC at kung anong oras man matapos sa PWU QC, punta ko Gateway.

Nagising ako 7:30 ng umaga pero bumangon ako 9:00 na. 10:00 ang usapan namin nina Danica at Cha na magkita sa PWU Taft para sa kanya-kanyang pakay then sabay-sabay kami punta ng Q.C. Campus para sa meeting ng 1:00 PM. Hindi naman normal sa akin na mabagal at matagal kumilos pero kanina kahit nagmadali na ako maligo at magbihis, isang oras pa rin inabot ko. Malas ko pa kasi wala akong load para magtext sa kanila na malelate ako sa usapan. 30 minutes ako nag-abang ng FX papuntang Taft pero walang dumadaan o kung meron man puno naman. Kaya nag-decide na kong mag two rides. Sumakay ako ng jeep hanggang Hi-Way. Nakakainis kasi kakaligo ko lang tapos parang ang baho ko na agad dahil sa mga usok ng sasakyan. Pagbaba ko ng Hi-Way, sakay naman ako FX papuntang Taft na. Malas pa ata yung FX na yun kasi tuwing may stoplight, red lagi inaabutan namin. Sobrang traffic pa sa Espanya! Kaya sobrang nalilito na ako sa dapat kong gawin, kung tutuloy pa ba ako ng Taft eh malapit na mag-12:00 pero nasa Espanya pa rin ako o bumaba na ako at pumunta na ng Q.C. Di naman ako makatext kay Danica dahil wala ako load at di rin siya nagtetext kasi alam ko wala din siya load! Pero buti na lang nasa Taft si Shine kaya nakitext si Danica. Tinanong niya kung hihintayin pa daw ba nila ako sa Taft o magkita na lang kami sa Q.C Campus. Hindi naman ako makareply dahil wala nga ako load. Nag-isip ako mabuti kung ano ba dapat ko gawin at ang naging matalinong desisyon ko ay bumaba na lang sa Morayta para magload! Haha. Pumunta ko ng 7Eleven. Nung bumibili ako ng load para sa Talk n Txt ko, sabi ng tindera "Ma'am teka lang po wala na yata!" Sabi ko "Sun na Regular Load na lang?!" para yung SunCel ko na lang ang loloadan ko. Sabi ng tindera "Ma'am wala po kaming regular, 24/7 lang!" Grabe!! Kamalasan nga naman! Paalis na sana ko nang biglang sabi ng tindera "Ma'am suwerte mo meron Talk n Txt, isa na lang!" Binili ko agad! Niload ko agad! Pagkaload ko, may text ako. Hindi ko alam kung kaninong cel ginamit ni Danica para magtext sa akin at sabihin na on the way na sila ni Cha pabalik ng Q.C. Tawag ako agad kay Danica pero di ko macontact number niya. Buti na lang di ko pa nabura yung text. Tinawagan ko yung number na gamit niya. Salamat naman nagkausap na kami ng matino! Hehe. Nag-decide kami na magkita sa McDo Q.Ave. bago pumunta ng PWU Q.C. dahil gutom na kami pare-pareho! Nung magkita kami sa McDo, nalaman ko na ang ginamit niyang cel sa pagtext sa akin ay cel ng FX driver! Hahaha! Lakas ng loob ni Danica noh! Pero ok nga eh kasi nataon na kakilala o kapitbahay nila yung driver. Kaya nakakatuwa pa rin isipin mga nangyari kahit nakakabadtrip.

Pagtapos kumain, nagpunta na kami PWU Q.C. At grabe! Pagsubok na naman sa aming pasensiya! Aba! Pagdating namin dun, sabi sa amin wala daw meeting! Ah ewan namin! Basta ang alam namin nakakaloka ang umaga namin. Dahil nga bad mood ako, nagdasal na lang ako na gumanda yung hapon ko, na sana makita ko si Dion Ignacio pagpunta ko ng Gateway. Hehe. Nag-aya na umuwi sina Danica at Cha around 2:00 PM dahil aattend pa daw sila ng debut ng common friend nila. Ako naman, punta ko Gateway para i-meet si Canis.

Actually, kaya ako nag-aya kay Canis pumunta sa Gateway kasi hopeful ako at nagbakasakali na makita ko si Dion kasi alam ko may rehearsal siya para sa Bb. Pilipinas. Guest kasi siya. Not to mention green ang napili kong motif ko for the day (blouse, earrings, underwears, bag-- green lahat yan. haha.) kasi it's a sign of hope.. Di ko alam kung saan rehearsal niya pero dahil sa Araneta gaganapin ang pageant, naisip ko na malamang dun ang rehearsal. Kahit puwede ko naman siya i-text nung mga nakaraang araw para tanungin siya pero di ko ginawa kasi gusto ko magkikita kami kung meant kami magkita. Haha. Nung nasa MRT na ako kanina, di ako nakatiis. Tinext ko siya kung saan rehearsal niya pero di ko sinabi na papunta akong Gateway. Pagkasend ko ng text, kinausap ko sa isip ko si LORD. Biniro ko SIYA. Sabi ko "LORD, bigyan Mo ko ng sign, kung talagang ... at ... (basta amin na lang ni LORD kung ano yun, hehe), makikita ko si Dion bigla sa Gateway.. LORD, biro lang yan pero kung seseryosohin Mo, masaya!" Nakarating na ako't nakalibot sa Gateway, wala pa rin reply si Dion. Si Canis naman hindi din nagpaparamdam kung nasaan na siya, kung pupunta pa ba siya o anuman. Inikot ko lang nang inikot ang Gateway habang naghihintay kay Canis. Hindi ko na naalala yung biro ko kay LORD kaya hindi ko pinapagala ang mata ko para tignan ba kung nasa tabi-tabi lang si Dion. Laking gulat ko at nagising dugo ko nung nasa escalator ako pababa dahil may mga babae sa likod ko ang biglang kinarinigan ko ng "Uy grabe! Ang guwapo pala niya noh?! Yung Starstruck! Si ano si Isidro ba yun?!" Kinabahan ako sa narinig ko pero nagdalawang isip ako kasi Isidro daw eh! Wala naman ganun di ba?! Haha. Pero pagbaba ko na ng escalator, at piniling kumanan, natulala ako nang makita ko si Dion sa Pizza Hut!! Grabe siya nga! Siya nga yung pinag-uusapan ng mga babae sa escalator, mali lang talaga sila ng pagkakaalam sa apelyido niya. Hehe. Natulala ako dahil nagsalubong mga mata namin.. Nasa loob siya ng Pizza Hut, ako naman nasa labas. Katuwa di ba?! Pero siyempre after matulala at magkatitigan, nagkawayan at nagngitian kami. Nataranta tuloy ako, hindi ko alam kung dapat ko ba siya puntahan at lapitan o hanggang sa kaway at ngiti na lang. Pero yung paa ko, parang may humila papunta sa kanya. Kaya ayun, pinuntahan ko siya (kasama niya friends niya).. Pareho kaming nagulat sa pagkakataon. Nag-usap kami saglit. Sabi niya "Uy! Sino kasama mo? Ano ginagawa mo dito?" Sagot ko "Mi-meet ko friend ko eh pero ang tagal kaya nag-iikot ikot muna ko. May rehearsal ka di ba?! Grabe! Sabi ko na ba magkikita tayo eh! Grabe alam mo ba paano kita nakita?! Dahil sa mga babae sa escalator! Sabi guwapo daw ng Starstruck!" at sabay kaming natawa. Nagpaalam na ako agad kasi nahiya ako bigla.. Bumaba ako ulit ng escalator. Tumayo ako malapit sa door para hintayin si Canis. Nagtext muna ko kay Dion para humingi ng pasensiya kung umalis ako agad, sinabi ko nahiya kasi ako. Sa pagtetext namin, nag-agree kami na ang bait ni LORD sa amin!..(Totoo naman eh!..) Ah basta, kami na lang nagkakaintidihan kung ano ibig sabihin nun.. Hehe. Nainip na ako sa pagkakatayo ko sa isang tabi para hintayin si Canis kaya tinawagan ko na. Pero hindi sumasagot! Napatingin ako sa escalator at grabe!.. Si Dion na naman! Binawi ko agad tingin ko para kunwari di ko siya nakita. Haha. Nataranta ko kaya napatawag ako kay Danica para lang may makausap sa cel. Pero habang nasa kanang tainga ko cel ko at nakikinig sa pagriring ng cel ni Danica, narinig ko sa kaliwang tainga ko si Dion na nagsalita at sinabi sa friends niya "Uyyy! Si Aelain!" pero kunwari di ko narinig. Hehe. Habang hinihintay ko sumagot si Danica (ang tagal kasi sumagot!..), biglang nasa harapan ko na si Dion at sabi "Oh?! Anong ginagawa mo diyan?" Sabi ko "Eh hinihintay ko pa rin friend ko, eto nga tinatawagan ko na!" "Sige mauna na ako ha.. Ingat ka.." paalam niya sabay nakipag-apir sa akin.. Pagkaapir namin may sumagot na sa cel. Sabi ko "Oh Canis, san ka na?!" (sabay ngiti at tango kay Dion bilang ba-bye kasi may kausap na nga 'ko sa cel eh) Sabi ng kausap ko sa cel "Ha!? Ano?!" at bigla ko naalala si Danica nga pala yung kausap ko hindi si Canis! Napatawa tuloy ako ng medyo malakas dahil nalito lito na ako sa sobrang taranta ko dahil sa pagkikita namin ni Dion!.. Hehe.

Ang saya-saya di ba?! Mas lalo pang sumaya nang makita ko ang isang long-lost friend! Si Jonah! Friend ko nung elementary sa province!.. Napayakap ako sa sobrang tuwa na nagkita kami sa Gateway pa!.. Eh sa province ni hindi kami nagkikita at wala pa kaming contact details.. Di ko pinalampas ang pagkakataon kanina! Kinuha ko na agad contact number ni Jonah. Pag-alis ni Jonah, naglibot-libot muna ulit ako. At sa wakas, nagparamdam na si Canis!.. Ayun, nagmeet kami at nagkaayaan mag-Starbucks. Siyempre ang bungad ng kuwentuhan namin ni Canis eh tungkol sa nakakalokang pangyayari!..

Haaaayyy.. Ang nangyari ba ay yung "sign" na hiningi ko kay LORD o coincidence lang?!.. Hay naku, ramdam ko man na "sign" yun, ayoko pa rin umasa. Basta, ang masasabi ko lang.. "I LOVE YOU, LORD!.."


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Click: Dion Ignacio

Currently feeling: Mixed Emotions!..
Currently watching: Encantadia

Posted by Lainee at 08:50 PM | 3 left me a note!

I just turned 20 the other day (March 18).. I am no longer a teenager! Waaaahh.. I feel old. Hehe. But anyway, I wanna thank all the people who remembered me during my day. For those who forgot it, it's okay but I must admit, I am kinda hurt.. It's nice to think that the ones I least expected to remember my day turned to be the ones who first remembered.. And it's sad that the ones I thought will never ever fail to greet me were the ones who were late or worse didn't remember at all..

Here are the people who made me happy because they remembered and greeted me during my day or even before:


Personal Greetings *in order*:
--Ate Ging, Papa, BM, Tita Nene, Mama, Ate Ayeen, Irene, Chel, Al Quinn, Ate Ashel, Canis, Sarah, Melai, Tito Boy, Tita Au

Phone Calls *in order*:
--Mommy Baby, Maika, Ate Joy, Ate Foy, Ochie

Text Messages *in order*:
--Lovette, Danica, Eyin, Maynard, Michael, Evan, Joyce, Hogi, Phia, Canis, Tito Ruben, Tita Giselle, Ruby Ann, Connie, Chuchay, Tita Thelma, Mama Corie, Anna, Meg, Ate Maryan, Reina, Ate Peng, Esang, Kuya Paolo, Alean, Ate Miyan, Papa Oliver, Ate Lalaine, Mackiel, Kuya Jayson, Dindi, Bhong, Mama Helen, Jessy, Tere O., Ochie, Reigne

Forums/Groups:
--Dion Ignacio, Alfred Vargas, Iza Calzado, Dingdong Dantes, Nyoy Volante

Through Friendster (testimonial/message):
--Alean, Sarah, Nica, Irene, Xyrille, Faye, Ate LJ, Tere Y., Andrea, Ate Jan, Judith, Kuya Tope, Kim

Any other way of greeting like emails, missed calls, tagboards, etc.:
--Daddy Mike, Mommy Baby, Chuchay, Ate Iza Calzado, Mama Corie, Ate Lyn, Mommy Jhanna, Divine, Canis, May Anne, Dindi, Anne

Here are the ones who greeted me late (I still appreciate it) *in order*:
--Ate Kayan, Trish, Dada, Nichol, Jonnadel, Meloi, April



Special thanks to the following people:

Maynard --> for offering me the best gift I wanted for my birthday.. for the powerful prayers.. for the sacrifice.. for the memorable and meaningful text message..

Chuchay --> for greeting me almost everyday of the month until my day came.. for the present.. for not failing to make me feel special..

Anna --> for the artistic creation as a gift.. for making me smile..

Ate Foy --> for always exerting extra effort to make my birthday special..

Ate Kayan --> for the comforting words..

Papa, Mama, Ate Ayeen --> for being with me during my day..

Tita Nene, Tito Boy, Tita Thelma --> for the foods and other preparations..

BM --> for leading the prayer..



Most of all, thank You LORD for everything.. especially for Your Love.

Currently feeling: thankful

Posted by Lainee at 10:45 AM | 6 left me a note!

"I love GOD." --Iza Calzado

The words came out from her mouth just a few hours ago as we conversed.. I got really touched and inspired by Ate Iza. I am truly thankful to her for hanging out and sharing a conversation with us but more importantly for the invitation to attend the mass with her after watching her mall tour..

You're an ANGEL, my Darling Ate Iza!.. I love you!.. and just like you, I LOVE GOD, too.






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Ate Iza, love ko si... alam mo na!!! *winks and laughs*

Posted by Lainee at 12:17 AM | speak up!

I had a sleepless night. It was sleepless but it wasn't tiring. It was fun. I together with other Ate Iza Calzado's supporters watched the Premiere Night of our Ate's movie entitled Moments of Love which was by the way successful. (Thanks Ate Iza for the free tickets!..). Without being biased and in all fairness, Moments of Love is such a good movie. I highly recommend it to everyone.

After the movie, we met up with Ate Iza for the promised dinner. It took place at Tianamen Bar. We ate with Ate Iza and her family, relatives and other close friends.

Then we went straight to Encantadia set. The taping took only a short time so Ate Iza decided to bond with us again. We had our bonding at a certain McDo. Ate Iza stayed there with us for more or less three hours. She wanted to stay longer but she was really tired and so sleepy already. She needed to rest. Before she left, we had our pictures taken of course. When Ate Iza left, we still stayed at McDo and just went home when we felt we needed to go home already. Haha.

Until now, I haven't sleep yet. Hehe.

Last night was very great, it was a "moment of love" with Ate Iza. Ate Iza made me love her even more for everything she has done for us.. (I love you so much my Darling Ate Iza!)

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HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY , DION JOSEPH V. IGNACIO!!!

Currently feeling: touched

Posted by Lainee at 06:05 PM | 3 left me a note!